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glmrk-lls:

when I see lbs I don’t say pounds in my head I say libs

zfitzgerald:

I’m a nerd, but not in the useful “you’ll all be working for me one day when I invent jet packs” way. I’m a nerd in the “I have very strong opinions about history and literature and will yell them at you if you give me even the slightest opportunity” way. And that one does not pay well.

bunnyhoodlum:

i find bad jokes funnier than funny jokes

jetbag:

jellyfish dont have to worry about taxes

chickemuqqets:

Complaining to my parents like

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tupacvevo:

tupacvevo:

someone give me a job

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i was thinking something in retail

thesassycat:

"This isnt a project that you will be able to do the night before"

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Employer:  So how qualified do you think you are for the job, sir?
Me:  Hella
Employer:  Welcome aboard

trust:

trust:

i just dropped my iphone in the bath

now its syncing